howdy?
Sunday, March 7, 2021
Howdy? It’s been quite some time since I last posted something personal. The year 2020 has been one heck of a crazy year (and I know not just for me). It has been a shit show and I think everyone will agree with me when I say that. I feel like I have so many stories to tell, so many bottled-up emotions to spill, and so many caged tears to cry but I can’t seem to unearth where to begin. Sometimes I feel like I’d feel so much better if only I could scream or cry my emotions out but I just can’t. I’ve been staring at this white box for hours, watching the line blink as it waits for me to type something but nothing seems to come out. I think I’ve been so used to caging my emotions so much that I eventually forgot how to express them.
Anyway, here’s to a somehow better 2021. And here’s to getting back to writing. Writing anything. Even if it isn’t good. Even if it’s crazy. Or even if it doesn’t make sense at all. Here’s to learning how to take over my emotions instead of just bottling them all up. I have to constantly remind myself that it’s okay to be sad or to be weak. It’s okay not to be okay all the time. It’s okay to not be the strong and bubbly one. It’s totally normal and it’s part of being human.
Anyway, here’s to a somehow better 2021. And here’s to getting back to writing. Writing anything. Even if it isn’t good. Even if it’s crazy. Or even if it doesn’t make sense at all. Here’s to learning how to take over my emotions instead of just bottling them all up. I have to constantly remind myself that it’s okay to be sad or to be weak. It’s okay not to be okay all the time. It’s okay to not be the strong and bubbly one. It’s totally normal and it’s part of being human.
This pandemic is sucking up all my remaining sanity. It makes me feel as if I’m in a never-ending loop. I punish myself because I constantly feel unproductive, but I also can’t seem to find the motivation to do anything. It’s been difficult. I have to remind myself that sometimes it’s okay if my only achievement is surviving the day. Because you know, there are days when surviving is so much more difficult. Even getting up on my bed and doing the simplest of tasks seem to be so hard sometimes. There are days when everything just feels so much heavier. There are days when the world is just so much darker. And honestly, looking back, I have to say that I am proud of myself for not giving up.
And I am proud of you, too. Yes, you. Even though I’m pretty sure that I lost all my readers already because I haven’t posted anything for so long, but if you somehow found this post and if you’re reading this right now, please know that I am proud of you. I know it’s been difficult for you, too. But you’re here reading this, so that’s something worth celebrating!
Cheers to surviving! And here’s to manifesting that this year may be less about surviving and more about actually living. ‘Til next time!